There is a video I saw in some WhatsApp group I am in. The video is of a man proposing to a woman, and at first, she accepts the ring, and everyone is cheering and then seconds late, the game completely changes. She just stands up, throws the ring right on his face and walks away. I will share the video below so you can see what am talking about.
Anyway, the men in that WhatsApp Group that the video was shared were fired up by this video, like really fired up. Why would she do that? Doesn’t she think that man has feelings surely? Why would she destroy him like that?
It was a really bitter discussion where all men converged to mourn the falling of one of their own as if they were the ones doing the proposing. And to some extent, I understood their frustrations.
We all know how men like to be stingy with saying just exactly what they feel, so going down on one knee, in front of a crowd and offering your heart and commitment to a woman in the form of a huge ring you probably spent all your savings on just for her to turn you down, and in the least, not even in a sugar-coating kind of way; it might do a number on your ego.
So this begs the question:
Do you think this man should continue with this relationship after being turned down? Do you think it’s reasonable to put it all behind him and say, hmm, you know this woman turned me down but we can still continue with this beautiful relationship we were in before I went down on one knee and poured my heart out?
Of course, most men will say NO. They cannot even think of calling that woman baby again, or buying her flowers.
Most will argue of their bruised egos, others will claim that the woman will see him as desperate. Kwani hajiheshimu?
Yet some will claim that this chic, after this incident atamkalia chapo because now she knows just how much she means to him; and some will argue that woman lacks commitment to him; so why would he continue with a relationship with no commitment?
All these factors make sense of why the relationship won’t continue. Especially the bruised ego. Manze, the ego is a delicate thing. Pouring your heart out there and getting rejected can do a number to it, even for a woman. So, I understand why saying NO would mean the end of a relationship.
However, I am a woman. And so I can also understand the other side of the coin. Marriage is not a child’s play. This is a serious commitment for a lifetime, that is if you can manage to last a lifetime. It is agreeing to live with someone forever, sharing your life with them every step of the way; and possibly having kids together.
It is not a child’s play, and it has to find you ready.
A proposal requires a pregame talk of all these. Before you go down on that one knee to ask this woman to marry you, did you have the “pregame talk”? You know, did you ever talk about marriage with her? Or the possibility of you two having kids together, walking down that aisle? Did you clearly know where her head was at about marriage before you proposed? If you did not, can you really blame her if she says No?
She might love you, but she is not just ready bruh. So before anything, always check if she’s ready. If you can’t get a clear answer from her, check with her family and friends. They might have some insight.
Also, some women are not just the type to be tied down to one man. They are free spirits, always looking for the next big thrill, and if you start suggesting the idea of marriage, which she most likely finds boring, she will obviously say NO. So know your woman, which type she is before buying that ring.
There are very many reasons that can lead to a chic saying NO when proposed to. Maybe she was looking for a way to quit this relationship then you just spring the question up; you did not see the red lights she kept throwing at you.
Or, she might have just found out that you are cheating on her, and you, thinking you have managed to hide that side chick from her, you propose. She might even just allow you to go on with the arrangements, then embarrass you in front of your family and friends by saying NO in the most brutal way.
Another might be that she is busy with school, or her career or hustle is just kicking off, and the idea of a wedding and marriage do not just feel right at the moment, even though she loves you, she wants to focus first in her school or work.
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We can stay up all day just listing down all the reasons a woman might say NO to a marriage proposal, and it might even go as far as different religions/ cultures or as low as peer pressure from her family friends who may not feel you are the man for her.
The point is before you go down on one knee and pop that question, know your woman, know your timing and have that pregame talk. Be prepared. And I am not saying you don’t surprise her. You can be subtle in knowing all these things about her before you propose.
So to answer the question which I have not answered yet and was just instead rambling on; should the relationship continue?
For me, I think it depends on the reason this woman is refusing a proposal. If she is not just ready for marriage at this moment, but she insists that she loves you and you love her; itabidi umejua vile utaeka your bruised ego aside. This is your woman, just because she is not ready today does not mean she won’t be ready tomorrow.
If the woman however refuses because she was looking for a way to end the relationship or she is not just the type to be tied down, hapo sasa you just have to accept that the relationship is over, go to a bar, have a few drinks, hook up with a one-night stand na ujikaze kimwanaume maisha isonge.
So to sum up, when she says NO, find a way of knowing why she said NO, because if you never know, you will spend your whole life wondering what if?
This article also applies to the women who propose to men. Before doing anything proposal-related, always know where his head is at first.