GUYS, TAME IT BEFORE YOU OPEN IT

The way to a woman’s heart is through a ton of sensible lies.

Some lies are way more appealing than the truth.

The truth hurts you know. And it aches when you use it against a woman especially if you are discarding her. Some men are good at belittling women. They could shatter your esteem completely and you may be compelled to attend a whole therapy session to regain it. 

My lover  (now my ex) once told me that he was never in love with me for the entire period he dated me (sorry, for the entire period I dated myself). After being in a situationship with him for years he said that he was just experimenting out with me. Your guess is as right as mine, he was a virgin; and no wonder his bedminton game was that horrible.

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After all the sleepless nights and energy I had invested in the situationship, he up and left. Just like that.

I should have read the signs once he began ghosting on me. I occasionally reprimanded him for the ghosting but the reply he gave aches me to date.  “Do  I look like the dog you have chained in your house? “

A woman will not stomach everything you tell her. Her mind will revolve around working out the perfect revenge.

So, dudes, you should learn to tame your mouths. I won’t vomit all the bad things guys have ever said to me. If I do, the whole nation may declare a day of mourning.

For instance, how would you tell a woman to get a life? What if you are entirely her life?  

I had a friend  (not me this time) whose guy once told her that he was in the relationship just for the shipoto.

If there’s any way you can undo sex, dial me. Because I bet, she could pay a  lump sum to undo the sex she had with the guy. The worst thing is that in her dreams and imaginations, she had already married the guy and delivered three children for him. The guy who had turned her into a pornstar and then turned his back on her; just when the well had run dry.

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And how could a woman ever move on from a guy who tells her that her genitals are stinking? Don’t throw stones at me dudes, to some extent shipotos may have fishy smells. But hey, since when did a shipoto become the mother of all fragrances?  

Ladies, how would you move on from a guy who tells you that your sex is horrible? That he fears drowning in your shipoto.  And mind you, this is after years of watching porn and being hospitalised due to dislocated bones over bedminton skills gone sour.

What about the dudes who go radio silent?

You’ve been having a good time together then boom he sort of goes dumb. Silence, they say is golden. But only to some extent. Ladies, how do you handle that? Think about ghosting that dude too. Silence is better than being a victim to mean and unreasonable sentiments. Just don’t permit him to stir your honeypot until the dust settles. 

And dudes,  if you resolve to rattling the snake, be ready to be bitten by it! What we women can retort in a moment of anger could be much deadlier than any ruthless diss track you’ve ever come across.