Rules of being a side dish.


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First things first, I would really like to state that I am writing this out of love and understanding for all those amazing side chicks out here who are keeping it real for my brothers in need. I dearly understand and appreciate your importance to our lives. If it were not for you, some of us would have died of blue balls by now. I know of a friend who ever since meeting his new-found side chick, the conversations have been rich and the sex even richer. It’s as if she breathed some new life into him.

The kind of vibrance he shows at work nowadays can only be compared to his single days when he was free to roam in the sea however much he wanted. Actually, it’s really healthy for him. He never complains of his asthma that much nowadays. I’m guessing, just maybe, those blue balls used to trigger his asthma.

However, some ladies are starting to take advantage of this precious little secret relationship recipe that some intelligent men are using to keep their relationships happy. I mean there’s no rookie who can master the chef’s secret recipe that easily and so it’s only the intelligent master who knows how to keep the recipe a secret. Same way, only a few men have mastered the skill of staying happy even though they have some side dishes.

Therefore, I am really pissed off at the fact that some ladies are taking advantage of these men and destroying their marriages leave alone extorting them! Accept that you are a side chick and stick to that! The minute you accept to be a side dish then know you will always be number two. Stop trying too hard to destroy another woman’s marriage just so that you can take her place yet you knew very well from the minute you met this man that he was married.

It’s really inhuman to try and bring down your fellow lady just to satisfy your own personal ambitions. If a man makes it clear that you are a side piece and you accept to be a side piece, stick to that! Stop being bitter and wishing evil on another innocent soul. You either walk away or accept your fate. Side dish also means no kids! This mischievous trend is slowly gaining pace in the country, where ladies are trapping men with kids just so that they can choke them with child support demands! If you know a man is married or has a fiancée and you are just a side chick, then you know very well that chances of you starting a family are very low.

Therefore, don’t trap this guy with a kid. It’s better to walk away! Otherwise, an innocent kid will end up suffering the consequences of your bad choices. Don’t have that kid if you know he/ she won’t have a father to be there for him! And don’t give me that ‘it was a mistake’ bullshit! Every girl knows her safe days and the necessary things she needs to do in order to avoid getting pregnant so don’t blame it on anything, not even alcohol!


Last but not least, the man’s money is not your money! If you are lucky enough to get financial support from the man, be grateful and provide the services expected from you. But don’t start budgeting with his money as if you own it. I am not saying you don’t enjoy his gratitude, but don’t take advantage of it. Accept what you are given and don’t start making demands as if you are his wife. ‘Side chick!’ Remember? All in all, let’s understand each other, guys. If a man makes it clear to you that you are the side piece, don’t make it hell for him after earlier on accepting the arrangement. Let’s mature up!

For more information on He and She vibe grab a copy of The Outsyder in The Nairobian every Friday.

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