MY SAD LIFE IN THE FRIEND ZONE

Serah Serah! Oh my Serah. Well,not mine and never has been. By now I say that name in my dreams because of the couple of times she used to catch feelings because of calling her Sarah instead. Yes,used to because she is now old news to me. I know what you are thinking already.That I already smashed her and now I am on to Maraya instead of Mariah. See what I did there? I mean, how could someone possibly catch feelings because of not getting the whole Serah thing.I grew up knowing Sarai who later became Sarah form the Holy book. I know I know.. am a good boy;churchgoer for that matter. So that smashing story should have already left that little evil head of yours.

This “old news” chic used to hit me up. Okay, I am the one who approached her first. A nigga got to try. If you see her tiny waist that accentuates her big ass,you will know what I am talking about. I might just as well pull out a picture of  her just so some of you can stop judging me already quarter way through my storo. So I approached her no lie. I slid in that DM and I immediately promised her lunch at a place of her choice. Quite bold of me,I know. To say the truth, I do not know what I would have done if she suggested Villa Rosa Kempinski type of places. I have never been there;but I can already tell you that my pockets do not run that deep.

She said yes! Imagine! She was so humble….at least that is what I took from her Java, Kimathi street suggestion. Lemonades and a a meal later,she was laughing at my jokes. Just as I had pictured it. I was not having a monologue like my usual normal dates. Sarah was clearly digging my vibe! I mean…Serah….

The visits to Java became a bit too many. I did not have to hit her up to me. I think she put on me speed dial. My wallet on the other hand was starting to write an application in search of relief. I was beginning to suffer bruh. I mean,Serah…come slow on  a brother. As may guess it,her beautiful smile,her big ass,that rangi ya thao,is all i could ever ask for.The stares she got when she dondosad (do people still say that?) her hips,knowing that I am the one she is with just gave me some of sort of satisfaction.

Weeks later,handshakes turned into hugs and she upgraded to at least pay for her drinks. We explored a couple restaurants around Nairobi trying out different delicacies;all for the sake of trying to get into her pants. Okay,maybe at least a kiss.she should have known by the end of the our first date just by the words that came out of my mouth. I made it clear that I wanted her.I asked to be more than just friends with her….eventually at least.

One of the random maraundiz Serah and I made became the breaking point for me. Serah was a nice girl. She showed me all signs of interest.She showed up for my dates all the time and later on graduated to ask me out sometimes. Of course I always ended up being the gentleman and paid for most bills, if she is not paying for her own single cocktail,like that counts! lol! The amount of shade I am about to throw..hahaha!

So Sarah decides that she should be busy on her phone this particular day. Her smile quickly turned into a frown and I could read some weird vibe about her.She was not the chappy girl that i so wished to be with badly. I decided to ignore it and enjoy my medium rare steak at this new joint she had dragged me to. Yaani…as I was sipping on my wine (yes,she made me buy it), Serah or whatever her name is mumbled up some words in my face.

“Don,I hope you know that we cannot be anything else but friends.I like how we are more of foodies together.”

The amount of friend zone bells that rang from that statement still make my ears deaf until now. We can now all laugh at me and my still recovering wallet.

By Don Angai,

Multi-Media University